STRESS AND ADOLESCENCE By Dr Andrew Goliszek (60 Seconds Stress Management)

"One of the greatest times of stress for families is the onset of adolescent or teenage years. For many families, these years of turmoil and strife, a period of transition in which newly developing teenagers are honing their social skills and striving for independence and freedom. In today’s complex society, these years can be more turbulent than ever before. The frightening reality of AIDS, drugs, violence, and broken homes adds a real dimension to stress that makes being a teenager one of the greatest challenges a young person will face. But as much as the stress of life affects teenagers, they’re not alone in their turmoil.

If you’re the parent of teenagers, you’re equally affected, and you need to deal effectively with both your teenager’s stress as well as the stress you feel as a result of your teenager’s stress.The first step in bringing harmony back into your life is to recognize that there are certain ideals and expectations you have for your teenager that by themselves will naturally create stress for you. The reason for this is simply that any lack of control over your newly independent children is going to make you feel uncomfortable.

You might feel a sense of helplessness as you watch individuals for whom you have done everything for thirteen years suddenly want to do things by themselves and often in ways that seem strange and controversial. This lack of control sets the stage for confrontation, intolerance, and tremendous distress.If you’re a parent of a teenager, you already know the feelings of helplessness and frustration. But you’ll develop a greater tolerance – and, at the same time, create a more stress-free home environment – by the following some simple stress management control do’s and don’ts.

Do’s
1. Do try to set a good example.
2. Do give your undivided attention when your teenager wants to talk to you.
3. Do try to listen calmly. Don’t start preaching.
4. Do develop a courteous tone of voice. Respect brings respect. Try not to overact.
5. Do avoid making judgments. Take an interest in your children’s activities.
6. Do keep the door open on any subject.
Respect the adolescent’s desire for individuality and independence.
7. Do permit expression of ideas and feelings.
8. Do encourage self-worth. Build your teenager’s confidence; don’t degrade it.
9. Do be aware of how you treat other children in the family. Try to be fair.
10. Do make an effort to say nice things.
11. Do hold family conferences.

Don’ts
1. Don’t expect your teenager to accept every rule and regulation you set forth.
2. Don’t feel upset or rejected if your teenager tells you he or she hates you.
3. Don’t try to be a perfect parent because none exist.
4. Don’t blame your teenager’s attitudes and behaviors on your problems."