Love in a bottle

“The day is long

When you’re not there

To make me feel

So loved each day.

I long for you 

Each every day

How I wish

To hear you say…

‘The day is long

When I am not there

Being in your arms’

I wish we can bottle up this feeling 

Drink it when loneliness sets in

Every time I look at you.”

Make the ordinary come alive...

“Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.

Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness.

Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life.

Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears.

Show them how to cry when pets and people die.

Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.

And make the ordinary come alive for them.

The extraordinary will take care of itself.”

 

― William Martin, The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents

Err on the side of kindness

"Down through the ages, a traditional form has evolved for this type of speech, which is: Some old fart, his best years behind him, who, over the course of his life, has made a series of dreadful mistakes (that would be me), gives heartfelt advice to a group of shining, energetic young people, with all of their best years ahead of them (that would be you).


And I intend to respect that tradition.

Now, one useful thing you can do with an old person, in addition to borrowing money from them, or asking them to do one of their old-time "dances," so you can watch, while laughing, is ask: "Looking back, what do you regret?" And they'll tell you. Sometimes, as you know, they'll tell you even if you haven't asked. Sometimes, even when you've specifically requested they not tell you, they'll tell you.

So: What do I regret? Being poor from time to time? Not really. Working terrible jobs, like "knuckle-puller in a slaughterhouse?" (And don't even ASK what that entails.) No. I don't regret that. Skinny-dipping in a river in Sumatra, a little buzzed, and looking up and seeing like 300 monkeys sitting on a pipeline, pooping down into the river, the river in which I was swimming, with my mouth open, naked? And getting deathly ill afterwards, and staying sick for the next seven months? Not so much. Do I regret the occasional humiliation? Like once, playing hockey in front of a big crowd, including this girl I really liked, I somehow managed, while falling and emitting this weird whooping noise, to score on my own goalie, while also sending my stick flying into the crowd, nearly hitting that girl? No. I don't even regret that.

But here's something I do regret:

In seventh grade, this new kid joined our class. In the interest of confidentiality, her Convocation Speech name will be "ELLEN." ELLEN was small, shy. She wore these blue cat's-eye glasses that, at the time, only old ladies wore. When nervous, which was pretty much always, she had a habit of taking a strand of hair into her mouth and chewing on it.

So she came to our school and our neighborhood, and was mostly ignored, occasionally teased ("Your hair taste good?" - that sort of thing). I could see this hurt her. I still remember the way she'd look after such an insult: eyes cast down, a little gut-kicked, as if, having just been reminded of her place in things, she was trying, as much as possible, to disappear. After awhile she'd drift away, hair-strand still in her mouth. At home, I imagined, after school, her mother would say, you know: "How was your day, sweetie?" and she'd say, "Oh, fine." And her mother would say, "Making any friends?" and she'd go, "Sure, lots."

Sometimes I'd see her hanging around alone in her front yard, as if afraid to leave it.

And then - they moved. That was it. No tragedy, no big final hazing.

One day she was there, next day she wasn't.

End of story.

Now, why do I regret that? Why, forty-two years later, am I still thinking about it? Relative to most of the other kids, I was actually pretty nice to her. I never said an unkind word to her. In fact, I sometimes even (mildly) defended her.

But still. It bothers me.

So here's something I know to be true, although it's a little corny, and I don't quite know what to do with it:

What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness.

Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded...sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.

Or, to look at it from the other end of the telescope: Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?

Those who were kindest to you, I bet.

It's a little facile, maybe, and certainly hard to implement, but I'd say, as a goal in life, you could do worse than: Try to be kinder.

Now, the million-dollar question: What's our problem? Why aren't we kinder?

Here's what I think:

Each of us is born with a series of built-in confusions that are probably somehow Darwinian. These are: (1) we're central to the universe (that is, our personal story is the main and most interesting story, the only story, really); (2) we're separate from the universe (there's US and then, out there, all that other junk - dogs and swing-sets, and the State of Nebraska and low-hanging clouds and, you know, other people), and (3) we're permanent (death is real, o.k., sure - for you, but not for me).

Now, we don't really believe these things - intellectually we know better - but we believe them viscerally, and live by them, and they cause us to prioritize our own needs over the needs of others, even though what we really want, in our hearts, is to be less selfish, more aware of what's actually happening in the present moment, more open, and more loving.

So, the second million-dollar question: How might we DO this? How might we become more loving, more open, less selfish, more present, less delusional, etc., etc?

Well, yes, good question.

Unfortunately, I only have three minutes left.

So let me just say this. There are ways. You already know that because, in your life, there have been High Kindness periods and Low Kindness periods, and you know what inclined you toward the former and away from the latter. Education is good; immersing ourselves in a work of art: good; prayer is good; meditation's good; a frank talk with a dear friend; establishing ourselves in some kind of spiritual tradition - recognizing that there have been countless really smart people before us who have asked these same questions and left behind answers for us.

Because kindness, it turns out, is hard - it starts out all rainbows and puppy dogs, and expands to include...well, everything.

One thing in our favor: some of this "becoming kinder" happens naturally, with age. It might be a simple matter of attrition: as we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish - how illogical, really. We come to love other people and are thereby counter-instructed in our own centrality. We get our butts kicked by real life, and people come to our defense, and help us, and we learn that we're not separate, and don't want to be. We see people near and dear to us dropping away, and are gradually convinced that maybe we too will drop away (someday, a long time from now). Most people, as they age, become less selfish and more loving. I think this is true. The great Syracuse poet, Hayden Carruth, said, in a poem written near the end of his life, that he was "mostly Love, now."

And so, a prediction, and my heartfelt wish for you: as you get older, your self will diminish and you will grow in love. YOU will gradually be replaced by LOVE. If you have kids, that will be a huge moment in your process of self-diminishment. You really won't care what happens to YOU, as long as they benefit. That's one reason your parents are so proud and happy today. One of their fondest dreams has come true: you have accomplished something difficult and tangible that has enlarged you as a person and will make your life better, from here on in, forever.

Congratulations, by the way.

When young, we're anxious - understandably - to find out if we've got what it takes. Can we succeed? Can we build a viable life for ourselves? But you - in particular you, of this generation - may have noticed a certain cyclical quality to ambition. You do well in high-school, in hopes of getting into a good college, so you can do well in the good college, in the hopes of getting a good job, so you can do well in the good job so you can....

And this is actually O.K. If we're going to become kinder, that process has to include taking ourselves seriously - as doers, as accomplishers, as dreamers. We have to do that, to be our best selves.

Still, accomplishment is unreliable. "Succeeding," whatever that might mean to you, is hard, and the need to do so constantly renews itself (success is like a mountain that keeps growing ahead of you as you hike it), and there's the very real danger that "succeeding" will take up your whole life, while the big questions go untended.

So, quick, end-of-speech advice: Since, according to me, your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now. There's a confusion in each of us, a sickness, really: selfishness. But there's also a cure. So be a good and proactive and even somewhat desperate patient on your own behalf - seek out the most efficacious anti-selfishness medicines, energetically, for the rest of your life.

Do all the other things, the ambitious things - travel, get rich, get famous, innovate, lead, fall in love, make and lose fortunes, swim naked in wild jungle rivers (after first having it tested for monkey poop) - but as you do, to the extent that you can, err in the direction of kindness. Do those things that incline you toward the big questions, and avoid the things that would reduce you and make you trivial. That luminous part of you that exists beyond personality - your soul, if you will - is as bright and shining as any that has ever been. Bright as Shakespeare's, bright as Gandhi's, bright as Mother Theresa's. Clear away everything that keeps you separate from this secret luminous place. Believe it exists, come to know it better, nurture it, share its fruits tirelessly.

And someday, in 80 years, when you're 100, and I'm 134, and we're both so kind and loving we're nearly unbearable, drop me a line, let me know how your life has been. I hope you will say: It has been so wonderful.

Congratulations, Class of 2013.

I wish you great happiness, all the luck in the world, and a beautiful summer."

Convocation speech by George Saunders at Syracuse University May 2013

And then it is winter...

"You know time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years.

It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise.

How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my youth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like. But, here it is... my friends are retired and getting grey... they move slower and I see an older person now. Some are in better and some worse shape than me...but, I see the great change... Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant...but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore... it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will... I just fall asleep where I sit!

And so...now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last... this I know, that when it's over on this earth... its over. A new adventure will begin!

Yes, I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done...things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime. So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!! Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not! You have no promise that you will see all the seasons of your life... so, live for today and say all the things that you want your loved ones to remember... and hope that they appreciate and love you for all the things that you have done for them in all the years past!!

"Life" is a gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to those who come after. Make it a fantastic one."

LIVE IT WELL!

Carpe Diem!!!


Anonymous but sent to me by my friend Bobot.

The Miracle of Silence

It seems contradictory to speak, or write, about silence because silence is really something to be experienced. In the experience of silence, we discover deep spiritual truths and come to know our spiritual self.

Silence grows within us, helping us to progress and develop in a very subtle way, just like a seed: the flower is hidden in the seed; the seed is hidden in the earth. Sunlight touches the earth that warms the seed and the flower begins to grow. Like a seed, we are also full of a great deal of potential. It is not really knowledge, or discussion that will truly develop that potential. They help, of course, but it is the light of silence that penetrates very deeply and awakens the potential within, inspiring it to burst and to blossom into a flower.

Silence is also a space that gives the mind oxygen, allowing the creation of something new, filling life with power and strength.

Everybody's religion nowadays is one of being busy. Everyone's rushing around, doing something, proving something, showing something. In that rush to be someone, we tend to forget the great power and miracle found in stillness.

In Spiritual Service,

Brahma Kumaris

http://thoughtsfrombrahmakumaris.blogspot.com/2011/02/message-for-day-soul-sustenance-04-02.html

The Starfish Thrower

"Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

This story has appeared all over the web in various forms, usually with no credit given to Mr. Eiseley. Sometimes it is a little girl throwing the starfish into the ocean, sometimes a young man, once even an elderly Indian. In any form it is a beautiful story and one that makes you think.

Loren Eiseley was a anthropologist who wrote extensively. He was the 'wise man' in the story, and he was walking along a beach after a storm and encountered the fellow throwing the starfish back. I have not had a chance to read the original book yet myself but will post more background info here after I do."
 
Via email
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"The Star Thrower" (or "starfish story") is part of a 16-page essay of the same name by Loren Eiseley (1907–1977), published in 1969 in The Unexpected Universe. The Star Thrower is also the title of a 1978 anthology of Eiseley's works (including the essay), which he completed shortly before his death.
 
The original story describes the narrator walking along the beach early one morning in the pre-dawn twilight, when he sees a man picking up a starfish off the sand and throwing it into the sea. The narrator is observant and subtle, but skeptical. He has the last word, a pessimistic conclusion.
 
Some excerpts:

“ In a pool of sand and silt a starfish had thrust its arms up stiffly and was holding its body away from the stifling mud.


"It's still alive," I ventured.

"Yes," he said, and with a quick yet gentle movement he picked up the star and spun it over my head and far out into the sea. It sunk in a burst of spume, and the waters roared once more.

"There are not many who come this far," I said, groping in a sudden embarrassment for words. "Do you collect?"
"Only like this," he said softly, gesturing amidst the wreckage of the shore. "And only for the living." He stooped again, oblivious of my curiosity, and skipped another star neatly across the water. "The stars," he said, "throw well. One can help them."


..."I do not collect," I said uncomfortably, the wind beating at my garments. "Neither the living nor the dead. I gave it up a long time ago. Death is the only successful collector."

—The Star Thrower, p. 172

Later, after some beautiful thoughts on our relationships to other animals and to the universe, the narrator says:

"On a point of land, I found the star thrower...I spoke once briefly. "I understand," I said. "Call me another thrower." Only then I allowed myself to think, He is not alone any longer. After us, there will be others...We were part of the rainbow...Perhaps far outward on the rim of space a genuine star was similarly seized and flung...For a moment, we cast on an infinite beach together beside an unknown hurler of suns... We had lost our way, I thought, but we had kept, some of us, the memory of the perfect circle of compassion from life to death and back to life again - the completion of the rainbow of existence" (The Star Thrower, p.181).

From Wikipedia

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The story evolves around the concept of making a difference in this world. Which goes to show that even the smallest act of kindness and charity can make a difference afterall!

The Key to Happiness

[Posted] by Brian Tracy on Mar 4, 2008


"Your ability to achieve your own happiness is the key measure of your success, of how well you are doing as a person.
Your ability to achieve your own happiness is the key measure of your success, of how well you are doing as a person.

You learn the key to happiness that has been the same through all of history. You learn how to dispel the two myths that may be holding you back and how to achieve more happiness in everything you do.

Dedicate Yourself to Your Best Talents

The key to happiness is this: dedicate yourself to the development of your natural talents and abilities by doing what you love to do, and doing it better and better in the service of a cause that is greater than yourself.

This is a big statement and a big commitment. Being happy requires that you define your life in your own terms and then throw your whole heart into living your life to the fullest. In a way, happiness requires that you be perfectly selfish in order to develop yourself to a point where you can be unselfish for the rest of your life.

Please Yourself First

In Edmond Rostand’s play Cyrano de Bergerac, Cyrano is asked why he is so intensely individualistic and unconcerned with the opinions and judgments of others. He replies with these wonderful words: "I am what I am because early in life I decided that I would please at least myself in all things."

Your happiness likewise depends upon your ability to please at least yourself in all things. You can be happy only when you are living your life in the very best way possible. No one can define happiness for you. Only you know what makes you happy. Happiness is an inside job.

Your Happiness is Up to You

The biggest myth about happiness is when people say that it is not legitimate or correct for you to put your happiness ahead of everyone else’s. Throughout my life, I’ve met people who have said that it is more important to make other people happy than it is to make yourself happy. This is nonsense.

The fact is that you can’t give away to anyone else what you don’t have for yourself. Just as you can’t give money to the poor if you don’t have any, you can’t make someone else happy if you yourself are miserable.

The very best way to assure the happiness of others is to be happy yourself and then to share your happiness with them. Suffering and self-sacrifice merely depress and discourage other people. If you want to make others happy, start by living the kind of life and doing the kind of things that make you happy.

Action Exercises

Here are three steps you can take immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, define for yourself the activities that you really love and enjoy, at home and work, and then organize your life so you do more of them.

Second, believe in yourself and trust your own feelings. Then, please at least yourself in all things.

Third, determine what it is that you do that brings the most happiness to others and then organize your life so that you can do more of it."

This was posted in 2008, how come I haven't come across it? Thanks to Aga for posting a snippet on FB. Now I can start being happy! ;0)

Ralph Marston on Hard Work

"Don’t avoid the hard work. That’s where the greatest value is created.
Don’t be afraid of the difficult, complicated, challenging tasks.
Once you get past the fear, you’re already past the most difficult aspect.

Relish the opportunity to do the hard work. For it is an opportunity to experience yourself being fully alive and effective. Find real enjoyment and satisfaction in doing the difficult work. Get yourself hooked on how good it feels to make a meaningful positive difference.

It’s often assumed that hard work is best avoided. Yet when you avoid hard work, you cheat yourself out of the joy of accomplishment.Seek out the hard work and you’ll find it’s not bad at all.

Do the hard work, and transform each day, each moment and each effort into great value."

— Ralph Marston

A kind of friend we all should be...

"I can’t give solutions to all of life’s problems, doubts, or fears.

But I can listen to you and together we will search for answers.

I can’t change your past with all its heartache and pain,

Nor the future with its untold stories.

But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can’t keep your feet from stumbling.

I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall .

Your joys, triumphs, success, and happiness are not mine;

Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;

I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.

I can’t prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me.

I can only pray for you, talk to you, and wait for you.

I can’t give you boundaries which I have determined for you,

But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

I can’t keep your heart from breaking and hurting,

But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.

I can’t tell you who you are.

I can only love you and be your friend!"

Anonymous

Ego trips have a dangerous destination

By Harvey Mackay

Talent is God-given, be humble. Fame is man-given, be thankful. Conceit is self-given, be careful.

This anonymous saying is often attributed to legendary college basketball coach John Wooden. And he surely hit the nail on the head.

I have a different way of talking about conceit in my speeches. If you think you're indispensable, I tell my audiences, stick your finger in a bowl of water and watch the hole it leaves when you pull it out.

This lesson was drilled into my head by my parents, who made sure their brash son knew what they thought about conceited people. Perhaps this is where my fondness for aphorisms comes from! I can still hear them saying: "Don't hang your hat higher than you can reach." "Swallow your pride occasionally, it's non-fattening! " And my dad's stern advice, "It is far better to have other people say how great you are."

Like many kids, I was known to be a little cocky. But I stopped short of the ego trip of one of my childhood friends, who used to send congratulatory messages to his parents on his birthday.

Throughout my life, I have observed what happens when heads swell and egos exceed capacity. The "me-first" attitude is met with "not you again" resistance. Conceit and success are not compatible. There is no shame in taking pride in achievements or position. But nobody gets to the top alone. It's only lonely at the top if you forget all the people you met along the way and fail to acknowledge their contributions to your success.

My son is a film producer and director in Hollywood, the land of large egos and monumental conceit. He shared a story about a movie actor who had bored the ears off his lunch companion by talking incessantly about his recent movie. Suddenly the actor stopped and said, "But I'm talking all about myself. Let's talk about you. How did you like my latest movie?"

Ouch! Is that the best he could do?

Then there's the story about the self-important chief executive officer who arrived at the hotel ballroom where his company's annual meeting was being held, only to be stopped at the door by a burly uniformed guard.

"Just wait here," said the guard, "until I check the list."

"But," sputtered the CEO, "don't you know who I am?"

"No, sir," said the guard, "but I will go and find out and let you know."

I can tell you right now who the fellow is -- a person whose universe is very small, because it has no room for others.

"A person completely wrapped up in himself maks a small package," wrote Harry Emerson Fosdick, an American clergyman. "The great day comes when a man begins to get himself off his hands. He has lived, let us say, in a mind like a room surrounded by mirrors.

"Every way he turned he saw himself. Now, however, some of the mirrors change to windows. He can see through them to objective outlooks that challenge his interests. He begins to get out of himself -- no longer the prisoner of self-reflections but a free man in a world where persons, causes, truths, and values exist, worthful for their own sakes. Thus to pass from a mirror-mind to a mind with windows is an essential element in the development of a real personality. Without that experience no one ever achieves a meaningful life."

Think of it this way: When business is good, who gets the credit? When the chips are down, whom do you blame?

Start by looking in Fosdick's mirror! If you see only yourself, keep looking. Look closely, and see if you don't recognize people who shaped you as a young child, throughout your education, and at every step in your career.

My list is very long. I am fortunate that these people cared enough to provide me with a reality check when they saw me getting a little too big for my britches.

The conceited new rookie was pitching his first big league baseball game. He walked the first five men he faced, and the manager took him out of the game. The rookie slammed his glove on the ground as he walked off and yelled: "Can you believe it? The jerk takes me out just when I have a no-hitter going." Time to look into the mirror!

Mackay's Moral: Conceit is a strange disease. It makes everyone sick except the person who's got it.

Ovarian Lottery: Life lessons from Warren Buffet

Warren Buffet on the Lottery of Birth by Robert Brokamp

"It’s 24 hours before your birth, and a genie appears to you. He tells you that you can set the rules for the world you’re about to enter — economic, social, political — the whole enchilada. Sounds great, right? What’s the catch?

Before you enter the world, you will pick one ball from a barrel of 6.8 billion (the number of people on the planet). That ball will determine your gender, race, nationality, natural abilities, and health — whether you are born rich or poor, sick or able-bodied, brilliant or below average, American or Zimbabwean.

This is what Buffett calls the ovarian lottery. As he explained to a group of University of Florida students, “You’re going to get one ball out of there, and that is the most important thing that’s ever going to happen to you in your life.”

According to the world’s third-richest man, that’s a good perspective to have when setting the rules for our world. We should be designing a society that, as Buffett says, “doesn’t leave behind someone who accidentally got the wrong ball and is not well-wired for this particular system.” He points out that he is designed for the American system — and he was lucky to be born into it. He can allocate capital, and he lives in a place and at a time when those skills are well rewarded. (His pal Bill Gates is quick to point out that if Buffett had been born in an earlier time, he’d be some animal’s lunch because the Oracle of Omaha can’t run fast or climb trees.)

When Buffett talks about this lottery, he often concludes by asking:

"If you could put your ball back, and they took out, at random, a hundred other balls, and you had to pick one of those, would you put your ball back in? Now, of those hundred balls … roughly five of them will be American. … Half of them are going to be below-average intelligence, half will be above. Do you want to put your ball back? Most of you, I think, will not. … What you’re saying is, “I’m in the luckiest 1% of the world right now.”

Warren Buffet on life & success

"Basically, when you get to my age, you'll really measure your success in life by how many of the people you want to have love you actually do love you.

"I know people who have a lot of money, and they get testimonial dinners and they get hospital wings named after them. But the truth is that nobody in the world loves them. If you get to my age in life and nobody thinks well of you, I don't care how big your bank account is, your life is a disaster.

"That's the ultimate test of how you have lived your life. The trouble with love is that you can't buy it. You can buy sex. You can buy testimonial dinners. You can buy pamphlets that say how wonderful you are. But the only way to get love is to be lovable. It's very irritating if you have a lot of money. You'd like to think you could write a check: I'll buy a million dollars' worth of love. But it doesn't work that way. The more you give love away, the more you get."

Warren Buffet, p761, 'The Snowball & The Business of Life"

Obey the 24-hour rule

By Harvey Mackay

"Don Shula is a legend -- an incredibly successful professional football coach. Some years ago I negotiated a contract for a first-round National Football League draft choice with Shula, and I've been closely following his career since.

He holds the NFL record for most career wins, 347 over 32 seasons. He led the Miami Dolphins to two Super Bowl victories, including the one that capped the only perfect season in NFL history.

How did he do it? By not dwelling on the past. Shula had a "24-hour rule," a policy of looking forward to the next challenge instead of dwelling on the previous victory or failure. The coach allowed himself, his coaching staff and his players a maximum of 24 hours to celebrate a victory or brood over a defeat. During those 24 hours, Shula encouraged them to feel their emotions of success or failure as deeply as they could.

But the next day, it was time to put it all behind them and start concentrating their energy on preparing for their next game. His philosophy was that if you keep your failures and victories in perspective, you'll do better in the long run.

What a difference a day makes! I absolutely agree with Shula's philosophy. Let me explain why.

Let's start with a colossal failure. How often have you been tempted to throw in the towel after losing a big sale or watching a million-dollar deal fall through, only to have your luck turn a day or two later?

Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities. Instead of seeing the possibilities for success, you hesitate, concentrating on the dark clouds rather than the silver lining.

Next step in the downer process is the vibes you send out to your customers. Your usual enthusiasm is seriously compromised because you are waiting for rejection. And that's exactly what you'll deserve.

Snap out of it! You've had plenty of success before. This episode was just a bump in the road. Don't turn it into a detour.

Buck Rogers, former vice president of marketing at IBM and author of Getting the Best Out of Yourself and Others, has this advice to stay motivated: "To be successful, you have to believe you can change the conditions in your life. You have to get out of the back seat of someone else's car and get behind your own steering wheel. You can't wish away the things in your life that make you unhappy and you can't daydream your hopes into reality . . . Make things happen."

On the opposite end of the spectrum is the spectacular victory -- the referral that turned into your biggest account, the employee of the month award, the amazing idea that turned your company around. Do you think now is a good time to coast or to rest on your laurels?

Absolutely not! Celebrate with your co-workers, go home and take the night off, and then come back to work in the morning ready to do an even better job the next day. You are on a roll. Don't waste the momentum.

Your bragging rights expire after 24 hours. It's fine if others want to congratulate you. Be gracious, thank them and get back to work. A great accomplishment shouldn't be the end of the road, just the starting point for the next grand destination. Success breeds success.

My friend Zig Ziglar says he is often challenged by people who want to know what motivation is. He relates a great example: "There are those who say that when someone goes to a motivational session they get all charged up, but a week later they're back where they were before they attended the session. In short, motivation isn't permanent, right?"

"Of course motivation isn't permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis."

Make that "regular basis" every 24 hours. The 24-hour rule allows you to look at each new day as a blank slate. Take along lessons from the past. You can learn as much -- or more -- from failure as from success. But don't live in the past. Build on what you know so that you don't repeat mistakes. Resolve to learn something new every day. Because every 24 hours, you have the opportunity to have the best day of your life."

Mackay's Moral: If you live in the past, you won't have much of a future.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying

By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.

Choose happiness.

The Greatest Thing in the World by Henry Drummond

Today I've discovered Henry Drummond via reading Paulo Coelho's 'Like the Flowing River' [pp 142-145]:

"The test of man then is not, "How have I believed?' but "How have I loved?" The final test of religion is not religiousness, but love: not what I have done, not what I have believed, not what I have achieved, but how I have discharged the common charities of life.

Sins of commission in that awful indictment are not even referred to. By what we have not done, by sins of omission, we are judged.

It could not be otherwise. For the witholding of love is the negation of the Spirit of Christ [or GOD or GAOTU], the proof that we never knew Him, that for us he lived in vain."


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"Every one has asked himself the great question of antiquity as of the modern world: What is the summum bonum--the supreme good? You have life before you. Once only you can live it. What is the noblest object of desire, the supreme gift to covet?

We have been accustomed to be told that the greatest thing in the religious world is Faith. That great word has been the key-note for centuries of the popular religion; and we have easily learned to look upon it as the greatest thing in the world. Well, we are wrong. If we have been told that, we may miss the mark. I have taken you, in the chapter which I have just read, to Christianity at its source; and there we have seen, "The greatest of these is love." It is not an oversight. Paul was speaking of faith just a moment before. He says, "If I have all faith, so that I can remove mountains, and have not love, I am nothing. "So far from forgetting, he deliberately contrasts them, "Now abideth Faith, Hope, Love," and without a moment's hesitation, the decision falls, "The greatest of these is Love."

And it is not prejudice. A man is apt to recommend to others his own strong point. Love was not Paul's strong point. The observing student can detect a beautiful tenderness growing and ripening all through his character as Paul gets old; but the hand that wrote, "The greatest of these is love," when we meet it first, is stained with blood.

Nor is this letter to the Corinthians peculiar in singling out love as the summum bonum. The masterpieces of Christianity are agreed about it. Peter says, "Above all things have fervent love among yourselves." Above all things. And John goes farther, "God is love." And you remember the profound remark which Paul makes elsewhere, "Love is the fulfilling of the law." Did you ever think what he meant by that? In those days men were working their passage to Heaven by keeping the Ten Commandments, and the hundred and ten other commandments which they had manufactured out of them. Christ said, I will show you a more simple way. If you do one thing, you will do these hundred and ten things, without ever thinking about them. If you love, you will unconsciously fulfil the whole law. And you can readily see for yourselves how that must be so. Take any of the commandments. "Thou shalt have no other gods before Me." If a man love God, you will not require to tell him that. Love is the fulfilling of that law. "Take not His name in vain." Would he ever dream of taking His name in vain if he loved Him? "Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy." Would he not be too glad to have one day in seven to dedicate more exclusively to the object of his affection? Love would fulfil all these laws regarding God. And so, if he loved Man, you would never think of telling him to honour his father and mother. He could not do anything else. It would be preposterous to tell him not to kill. You could only insult him if you suggested that he should not steal -.how could he steal from those he loved? It would be superfluous to beg him not to bear false witness against his neighbour. If he loved him it would be the last thing he would do. And you would never dream of urging him not to covet what his neighbours had. He would rather they possessed it than himself. In this way "Love is the fulfilling of the law." It is the rule for fulfilling all rules, the new commandment for keeping all the old commandments, Christ's one secret of the Christian life.

Now Paul had learned that; and in this noble eulogy he has given us the most wonderful and original account extant of the summum bonum. We may divide it into three parts. In the beginning of the short chapter, we have Love contrasted; in the heart of it, we have Love analysed; towards the end we have Love defended as the supreme gift."

Click here for the rest of the sermon.

Run Through The Rain

"A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been about 6 years old, a beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, in such a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. Everyone stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the store.

We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day.

I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I get lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.

The little girls voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in "Mom, let's run through the rain," she said.

"What?" Mom asked.

"Let's run through the rain!" She repeated.

"No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit," Mom replied.

The child waited about another minute and repeated: "Mom, let's run through the rain,"

"We'll get soaked if we do," Mom said.

"No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning," the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.

"This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?"

"Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, 'God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!"

The entire crowd became silent. It was the type of silence were you couldn't hear anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.

The mother paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Some would laugh it off and scold the little girl for being silly. Some might even ignore what was said, but this was a moment of affirmation in a young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.

"Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD let's us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing," Mom said.

Then off they ran. Everyone stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.

And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.

Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven.

I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.

Sometimes we all need a good washing. God is the right place to go for the cleansing that can set your feet on a firm foundation and make your life peaceful and fruitful. And of course, confident!"

Author unknown

Tide of opportunity

People often handle life as they do bad weather. They while away the time waiting for it to stop. Yet the tide of opportunity comes to everyone.

Opportunity knocks all the time, but you've got to be ready for it. When your chance comes, you must have the equipment to take advantage of it.

The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, for time and chance happen to everyone. Take a second look at what appears to be someone's "good luck." You'll find not luck but preparation, planning and success-producing thinking.

When you're prepared for opportunity your chance for success is sure to come. The season of failure is the best time for sowing the seeds of success.

© 2009 YourDailyMotivation .com

An inspired life... Dame Jessie Coe Lichauco 11 Jan 1912

 

Sunshine and her grandmother, Jessie Lichauco, who is 93 years old and lives in a century old house by the Pasig River in Sta. Ana, Manila. Her husband, in the portrait above was Marcial Lichauco, a diplomat and historian. Here Jessie is telling us about the first transpacific flight by the Pan American Clipper, flight 001. She was there when it landed in Manila Bay in 1935 and she still remembers the captain's name. 

------------------------- Poem for Nana “My Giving Tree” She sits in gentle splendor watching the world through branches of age which have seen her grow from a girl with the heart of a woman to a woman with the soul of the world In her home on the river, grow impulses from the deepest roots to protect, to nurture, to enhance a giving tree shades her from life’s dark corners and her spirit protects its wholeness from the storms Spirits come to the tree house seeking the vision of age and the splendor of nature by her side a harmony of its own kind.. life flows both ways A gust of time has passed the wind has made the tree fall but its spirit is now free its seeds will be planted elsewhere and now she stands as one. (For Nana and her tree, after Typhoon Milenyo destroyed a large part of the tree) Sunshine de Leon Sept. 29, 2006 London, England

Jessie Lichauco at 98: Feasting by the Pasig, dances with memories

By Sunshine Lichauco de Leon Philippine Daily Inquirer

Posted date: February 07, 2010

MANILA, Philippines--When someone asked the “Birthday Girl” to dance, her fair skin almost blushed and a dreamy look came over her gray-green eyes. She said, “thank you, but I am dancing with my memories.”Together with a hundred guests of all ages and from all corners of life, Jessie Lichauco celebrated her 98th birthday last Jan. 10.   Talented 7-year-old Hannah sang the Philippine National Anthem in the garden of an ancient home along the Pasig River. Tita Jessie then personally greeted each guest with an energetic smile and spry movements, her ageless body moving in rhythm with the live big-band music provided by The Executives, whose selection of music from days gone by provided backdrop to the ever-flowing conversation.   Each friend or relative was there because this lady had left an unforgettable imprint on their lives. Larry Henares recounts, “When my wife Cecilia died of a sudden heart attack while we were in Paris, I was so devastated that I could not bear the thought of telling my children about their mother’s death. The first thing I did was call Tita Jessie—I knew she would know the best way to tell them and comfort them at the same time.”   Curiosity, adventure, love   When Jessie Lichauco, my grandmother, first came to the Philippines in 1933, she was 18 years old. The population of the country was 8 million, and many people still traveled in horse-drawn carriages. She became the wife, and later the widow, of lawyer-diplomat Marcial P. Lichauco. Her life during the past 76 years has allowed Jessie to witness and interact with people, places and events that make up a large part of Philippine history. She has seen the country at its best and worst. And although she is part Irish-Scottish-Cuban-Spanish on the outside, her heart is unquestionably Filipino.   Why did she embark on that 28-day ship voyage from America to the Philippines? She has always answered, “Curiosity, adventure and love.”   Watching her celebrate with the people she has befriended since her life’s journey began 8 decades ago, there is no doubt she continues to live with those three ideals in mind. Age has never prevented her from engaging every adventurous moment life offers her.   Many people have asked her what the “secret recipe” is to living long and appearing so much younger than she is. The answer is less likely found in following a particular diet or health program (other than fresh buko juice daily, very little meat or chicken, and no coffee, alcohol or smoking) than on certain guidelines for living.   The secret is simply in the way she views the world and lives her life, which allows her to remain so actively involved in it. “I am at the age of self-preservation,” my grandmother says. “I don’t worry about things over which I have no control.” She points out that stress of any kind goes through your mind and can affect your body. “You always have a choice—to be a grouchy old person or take life as it comes. I often tell young people that having a sense of humor is very important. Sometimes you think things are insurmountable. There is nothing you can do but accept it and move forward.”   Distinct beat   Not one to live her life according to clocks or schedules, her life flows according to its own distinct beat. “I do something if and when it feels right. I make decisions based on my instincts and my common sense,” she says. My grandmother also believes her good health is due to never holding any grudges. “Forgiving and letting go are not always easy but very necessary! Often something happens and the other person does not even know how hurt you are, so you are the one carrying around the pain. It’s a heaviness inside of you, so it’s better to ignore it and don’t let it weigh you down.”   My grandmother’s life has two distinct rhythms, and like the free spirit she has always been, she moves between them according to what life sends her way.   Many of her days are spent on her covered porch overlooking the 250-year-old Banyan tree in her garden, and the Pasig River.   “Nana’s corner,” as it’s been nicknamed, is where she sits and has everything she needs for comfort, security or entertainment.   “If you want to read, write or look at old photos, there are books, paper, pens and a magnifying glass. If someone comes over, I have my lipstick and hairbrush to freshen up. You should never lose a bit of vanity.” Having lived through the hardships of the Japanese occupation of Manila during World War II, she will not let anything go to waste. This has turned my grandmother into quite an inventor. She demonstrates how a Kleenex box has been recycled to make a bookmark and a filing box. Next to it is a very useful creation she is very proud of—an old Swiss cowbell attached (using a laundry clip) to a watch with big numbers, which a grandchild had given her. She can then tell time and call for assistance if needed.   Special memories   She reads the papers and watches the news to keep herself updated on current events. She shares her opinions on them and debates anyone, if asked.   My grandmother does not believe in the concept of being bored.   “Boredom comes from within yourself. It does not come from your surroundings. If you look around, there is always something you can do!”   “The whole world is my university and I am still a student,” she adds. “I am waiting to get my diploma from the university of life!”   Although she enjoys her peace and quiet, nothing delights her more than having a visitor drop by, whether expected or unexpected. Many arrive with questions that draw out the many stories safely tucked away into her memory. Their curiosity brings a special part of her alive, and within minutes, the vividly detailed recollections, observations on life or useful advice begins flowing. Most of all, my grandmother believes she is still on this earth because she must still have a purpose. Perhaps sharing the great gift of her memory with others is one such role.   An 8-year-old girl was introduced to her first postage stamp during a visit, when my grandmother brought out her stamp collection. After learning about the history of stamps, how it got there and how long it took, the girl went back to school eager to share her newfound knowledge with her classmates.   Often people arrive as strangers, but they always leave as friends. As a visitor once described, “Speaking to her is its own journey. Sometimes you will get a direct answer to your question, but quite often you are taken around the world on various tangents. At the end, you are not sure if she answered what you asked but you know you learned something!”   Personal treasures   Every so often my grandmother gets inspired and disappears into her bedroom for a few moments. “Ali Baba’s cave” as I call it, is a place that hides countless historic and personal treasures gathered over the decades. Whether an old document, letter or photo, the perfect item seems to always make itself known when needed to illustrate a story or highlight an otherwise faded piece of the past.   Accompanying her on the many events she still attends outside her home is its own adventure, as you truly never know where you will end up or who you will speak to.   But whether she approaches a group of Filipino veterans, or young American marines at a Memorial Day celebration, or strikes up a conversation with someone in the elevator, her openness ensures she ends up where she is supposed to be. With an ability to speak to anyone any time, and to gather their life story within minutes, she bonds with people with inexplicable ease.   She recalls, “One time I saw a man crossing the street in Belmont who looked so forlorn that it seemed he needed a friend. I smiled at him and he then asked why I smiled. I said, you looked troubled, like you needed someone to show some kindness to you. Minutes later, we sat on a bench and he unburdened himself to me. I never saw him again or got his name, but he left smiling.”   Sometimes, she reminds us, people are lonely and just need someone to talk to.   Perhaps it was because she herself lost both parents at a young age that my grandmother has lived every moment of her life with her heart as a compass.   “I always told my children: There is no difference between you and anyone else except opportunity. And no one has a right to look down on anyone else or treat them with less respect.”   The reality is that my grandmother does not consider age a disability, and this something she proves through words and actions.   No disability   During the Sta. Ana feast of St. Anne last year, she insisted on walking the 10-minute journey to church, a path without much light or a sidewalk. As the crowds began to push and shove to see the floats, I suggested we go somewhere less hectic for her safety.   Without saying a word, she began walking toward a back entrance of the church—down corridors, up rarely used stairways, and through doors we never knew existed. Her movements were so determined that, although we were worried, we had no choice but to follow.   As it turned out, our destination was a place the church would take its VIPs to in the days gone by—to a hidden hallway with a perfect view of the altar below. As she looked at us, amazed that we ever doubted what she was doing, I smiled and realized that my grandmother really does know best. Looking back at the birthday party that was organized by a few members of her family and catered by French Corner, she reflects.   “What pleasure it gave me to see so many people I love come to share in the delight of enjoying time on the Pasig River. There is nowhere else I would have rather celebrated. It’s reopened my eyes to possibilities—maybe a concert or theater can be organized next. I feel selfish having all this to myself!”   “I don’t know what 98 is supposed to look like or behave as I have never been here before,” she adds. “All I know is I am happy to be here, and count each day as a blessing. Before I sleep I thank the Lord for the day and ask him that I see the dawn.”   Nana has always said that if she ever needed to choose an object to describe her life, it would be a feather. As my grandmother listens to the hundreds of birds nesting in her Banyan tree, every so often she sees one of their own feathers gently float away.   Smiling to herself, she knows that if the right wind came along, she too could still fly away on her next adventure.

Full emo

"If they don't like IT it's probably because they're not putting the same emotion into IT that someone else [is] did!"

- Jeph Howard, The Used.

Metric conversion

"In order to feel real happiness there has to be an awareness of real sadness."

- Metric's Emily Haines

[Haines was born in New Delhi, India and raised in Canada, where her poet father, the late Paul Haines, instilled in her the idea that she could make a career from creativity... "I was coming from a very punk rock aethetic of, "fuck that, fashion has no place in music", she says. "I've come to realise that's complete bullshit. What you're wearing says something about you, whatever you want it to say, but there's no option of being mute."]